


Not good enough.

by orphan_account



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Angst, BFFs, F/F, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I know it's not long but hey give it a read I think it's okay..., not really romanic relationship but maybe if I add more..., thoughts of self harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-08
Updated: 2018-01-08
Packaged: 2019-03-02 03:23:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13309392
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Jemma can't stop her own mind.TW: thoughts of self-harm and (maybe?) self-harm. nothing graphic don't worry.





	Not good enough.

**Author's Note:**

> This is honestly more of a vent-fic I just couldn't sleep plus I was told by a friend that if writing emotions you've felt helps you get better at writing emotions in general, which is honestly my weak spot when it comes to writing.
> 
> any errors are mine!

'Damn it. Damn it damn it damn it.' Jemma berated herself slamming shut her laptop. 'I can't do this.

It's impossible.' Getting up out of bed she started pacing back and forth across her room, nails digging into her wrist.Trying to push aways the thoughts of using something more than just her nails. It was so frustrating to her. She understood the neurochemistry of it all. She knew it would make her feel better at least for a while. The only thing holding her back was the knowledge that if people ever found out they would treat her differently...

 

Squeezing her eyes shut. And with one final hard grip to her wrist, she let go. Trying to focus on what is important to her, she tried to breathe.

But her brain wouldn't stop, thoughts whirled about her mind, thoughts that almost brought dizziness. Thoughts of self-hate, worthlessness, and stupidity. Thoughts about how hideous she is, and how she would never amount to anything. Her breaths quickened. Taking a step back, her knees buckled. She fell against her bed, barely having the strength to hold herself up. 

 

It was such a stupid thing. She knew it was. It always happened, always at night. Almost never a common cause. Just a rush of anxiety and dread. During the day she had more than enough distractions to ignore any negative thoughts. But at night, when all is quiet and there's nothing but her own thoughts, it's much harder to ignore. her eyes still tightly shut, began to water. 'Why can't I stop this!' She thought. Her inability to control her own mind made her want to scream. Sitting there trying to hold herself together she heard her phone go off. 

 

A single quiet ping in an otherwise quiet room. Already knowing who it was she knew she wouldn't be able to ignore it, reaching over she gabbed for her phone in the dark, refusing to open her eyes until she had too. She clicked her phone on. Using her T-shirt sleeve to wipe the moisture from her eyes she looked at the time, 1:30, no one would text her at this time of the morning other than Skye. 

 

Just glad for a distraction she quickly unlocked her phone. Navigated to her messaging app and to Skye's name. 

 

The message simply read: "you up?"

 

Not knowing why Skye was texting her at this hour she quickly responded.

 

Jemma: "Yeah, is everything alright? Are you okay?"

 

After a few second delay, a response came:

 

Skye: "well yeah... not having a great night. can't sleep."

 

Jemma: "Wanna talk about it? I mean if you don't want to that's totally cool too..."

 

Skye: "not really :/ just wanted to see what you were up to"

 

Not wanting to put any undue stress on her friend simply replied: "Not much, I was just studying."

 

After a 30-minute long conversation. One where nothing was really said, just empty words chosen to make sure they both knew the other was still there. Skye finally fell asleep. Thus no longer responding to Jemma's texts. 

 

Waking up the next morning phone on her chest, with two missed texts from Jemma, Skye typed out a quick mornings greetings and an apology or falling asleep on her mid-conversation.

 

Seeing these messages Jemma smiled a small smile, she was glad Skye had texted her last night, she was just glad to have Skye in her life. Over the last few months, they had slowly begun to talk less and less. It wasn't like they were growing apart. But more like... they had grown so close that there was really very little left to say.

 

Still, she missed talking to Skye. Hoping to one day fly out to where she was attending school to hang out for a day or two. She honestly didn't know how their relationship was classified. But she knew that just talking to Skye helped her calm down. And she really loves talking to her.

She honestly loved a lot about Skye, practically everything. The way she helped out everyone she knows even if it wasn't always the best thing for her own sake. The fact she never tried putting pressure on Jemma to try and be anything other than herself. Even just the sound of her voice. It was enough to make Jemma's heartbeat quicken and somehow allowed her mind to slow and focus just enough so that she didn't feel like she's going crazy. Freezing in place Jemma gasped. "Bloody hell," Jemma whispered. Realizing that she might be in love with her best friend

**Author's Note:**

> I probably won't add more to this one. But feel free to give suggestions to use in other stuff!
> 
> I know it's not perfect but you got to start somewhere right? xD
> 
> hope you all have a good day/night!


End file.
